While everyone of us realize the fact that gays and lesbians in our society are prevalent and ubiquitous nowadays, we can hardly simply disregard one sad truth however – that even in a country like ours where the bakla and the tomboy are thriving somewhat in such a harsh environment, there are still guys and gals out there that remain troubled with getting out of the closet. In short, marami pa ring paminta. I myself know of persons I befriend in UP Diliman falling under this category.
I classify them into two sub-categories: pamintang buo and pamintang durog. While most of them are aware of their sexual orientation, they only vary in their approach to their sexual preference.
For example, many guys are the pamintang buo type. For persons whose eyes and nose are trained to distinguish such, or those born with built-in sensors, doing this task should no longer daunt them. And yet, for guys under this category, they can camouflage well so as not to be exposed. Why hide? Because they believe that the only way to survive the torments would be hiding. How to distinguish them? Well, we can hardly tell. As I told already, only a trained pair of eyes and nose or the sensors could do the trick. But for preliminary clues, look for the body gestures. Sometimes, you can catch through minor body languages whether this guy hides something. But beware, looks can still deceive! Even the cutest guy in town could be IT. Some may act effeminately, but then deep inside they are straight; while others may flaunt their collection of girlfriends, only to find one dating another more masculine than him. We can understand why most pamintang buo deny instantly whenever “rumors” circulate regarding his sexuality.
But then there remains a number of gays out there who, despite bearing all the semblances of a gay, insists that he is not. Ok, that’s the more bizarre type. He’s out, that’s true, and yet he denies as though he is just acting “normally”. And I know of guys who fall under this category – the pamintang durog. We can also understand why they need to conceal their cloak, although it won’t suffice. Still, the fact remains that they have come out in the open, and such contradictions all but complicate matters.
Being paminta is never sinful. Sexuality must therefore be put into the context of cultural determinism, or influence to be more politically correct. Biology dictates that there are only two sexes – the male and the female, and the genitals manifest this difference. But society tends to blur this distinction, as the concept of sexual preference explains, where people are no longer confined to that convention, that sexuality as manifested in the gonads is different from sexuality as dictated upon or influenced by culture and the predominant course of action in the environs. And the stimulus is to either tolerate or disdain the presence of homosexuals and bisexuals vis-a-vis the heterosexuals. And for the pamintas, they believe that the society will easily despise them once they come out. Or perhaps they acquire that trauma of being discriminated upon, such as those open homosexuals and bisexuals (either open or hiding) experienced. Moreso in a predominantly Catholic nation like the Philippines where it is sinful to be a homo or a bi.
To say that these pamintas are all but undergoing a major identity crisis is understandable. Truly, it’s hard to shout to the whole world who you really are, or you are confused about yourself. But don’t worry, it won’t last that long. And in the end, it all boils down to two choices – either you choose to be straight, or not. Perhaps you might choose the third one – which is to enjoy the best of both worlds. But who cares? After all those acrimonious sexual prejudices, the gays have withstood the tests of society. Where are they now? Look around. Were they never proud of their sexual preference? Ask them. Their mere presence demonstrates the height of that pride. So for the paminta out there, never hide yourself. Forget about that stereotypes and those chauvinist remarks you receive (or you perceive you would receive). To be true to yourself and to others – that should be the real essence of being gay. And happy.
PS: Just one word of advice: Since being gay requires carrying the gaydom’s name (and I mean the global gay community) everytime, never put the name and the reputation of the gays in this world, and in this country in particular, into bad light.
Next Week: Being Gay, and other topics I would like to raise
